Finally! The Prime has come back!

In the beginning, there was droolingidiots.com.

I'm sorry. That's a lame way to start a book. No good book has ever started with "in the beginning." Well, the Good Book started with "in the beginning", but that's not the same thing. Besides, this is a blog not a book. A book is a much more ambitious undertaking. And I should know, I wrote one. But more on that later.

As I was saying, in the beginning there was droolingidiots.com. It was to be the exclusive home of D.I. Prime and Drooling Idiots on the net. (For those just tuning in, I'm D.I. Prime and Drooling Idiots is my band.) Along with numerous MP3s of execrable "music", one of the main attractions of droolingidiots.com was "The Prime Says", an editorial column featuring the ramblings of yours truly. For a variety of reasons "The Prime Says" went on hiatus for three years starting on October 26th, 2004. During my torpor, technology changed radically. For instance, blogging technology matured along with the advent of Web 2.0. People were no longer satisfied by merely reading editorial ramblings, they wanted to be able to bitch slap the author with their keyboards from the safety and privacy of their homes. Well, far be it from me to deny the public what they want. In order to facilitate my bitch slapping, I've moved "The Prime Says" to Google's Blogger service where any nimrod with a modicum of typing ability can reach through the Internet and excoriate ol' Prime. (Technically, encomium is also welcome, but that appears to be a scarce commodity these days.)

For those of you who remember things from one paragraph to the next, you may have noticed that the previous paragraph contained what may have seemed like an innocuous detail, a mention of a three-year hiatus. You might've thought to yourself, "Self, I bet that's a seed that can blossom into an entire paragraph." Indeed, my astute reader, therein lies a tale. Unfortunately, it's not a very interesting one so I'll summarize.

My three years of not updating droolingidiots.com, not writing "The Prime Says", and not recording new music were mostly filled with the mind-numbingly, dull minutia of quotidian existence. You know, the stuff that most people blog about. However, I'm not here to waste your time with trivial details from the last three years of my life. Oh no, I plan to spend the next three years boring you with trivial details of my life. When we're in retrospective mode we only cover the important stuff and, alas, there's only one clip in my highlight reel.

I wrote my first book: "Anal Sex Haiku, Lascivious Limericks & Other Drivel".

Yes, D.I. Prime the rapper who has, to date, failed to complete an album has written a book. As you may have deduced from the title, it's a collection of obscene poetry. Quantitatively, it contains 335 anal sex haiku, 400 limericks, 1 oddball verse, and 32 miscellaneous haiku, all entirely unsuitable to anyone with the slightest hint of decency or taste about them. Luckily, very few of those people read my blog. [Additionally, our Solomonic solons have issued ukases decreeing that this book is unsuitable for anyone under the age of 18. While I may personally disagree, who am I to argue with legislative fiat? Sorry kids, come back when you can vote.]

In addition to the 758 examples of prurient, puerile poetry, there are 758 endnotes providing obsessive and useless commentary on each poem. Believe you me, although it comes last in the title, the drivel has equal footing with the haiku and the limericks. On the positive side, the monotony of my prose and poesy is occasionally punctuated by six amazing illustrations provided by the ultra-talented Britt Martin. His work is worth the cover price alone! [Yes, that statement really is worth this blog's lone exclamation point. By the way, I don't mean to diminish the prodigious talents of my cover artist, Meagan Costea, but the hideous schlub picked for a cover model ruins it for me.]

"Wait a minute," I hear my devoted Prime Says readers shriek. "Do you mean to tell me that after a three-year absence the best you can do is shill for your stupid book?" Sadly, yes. I know, I know, I'm sorry, I feel like a whore. And if you buy enough copies of my book, I'll be able to afford one. (1)

That's all for now. I'm sure I'll update this blog a few more times before lapsing into another torpor so check back sometime. Or, get involved and leave a comment. That's the beauty of the blogosphere.

Salivo ergo sum,
D.I. Prime
October 26, 2007

PS -- Okay, I'm not done yet. I can't leave without explaining the significance of October 26. droolingidiots.com launched on October 26, 2001. Version 1 of "The Prime Says" ended on October 26, 2004. Version 2 of "The Prime Says" is launching on October 26, 2007. I consider October 26 to be a propitious day to launch (or wind down) projects because it's the birthday of Bootsy Collins. Although he'll probably never see this, happy birthday Bootsy.

(1) That joke was shamelessly stolen from Emo Phillips.